Her Boss Wants Her to Secretly Plan His Kid’s Birthday on Company Time, and Says She’s Free Since She Has No Kids of Her Own
A partner at her mid-sized accounting firm walked over last Thursday and asked her to help with a “small project.” She assumed it was client-related. Instead, it was his daughter’s 10th birthday party. He wants her to research venues, coordinate a caterer, design invitations, and manage RSVPs, all on company time but “off the books” since it’s personal.
Her first reaction was to laugh, thinking it was a joke. It wasn’t. When she said she wasn’t sure this was really her area, his response was blunt: she’s organized, good with details, and since she doesn’t have kids, she probably has the most free time on the team. That line has been sitting with her for three days.
The Reasoning Itself Is a Problem
Being assigned party-planning duties because she doesn’t have children isn’t a neutral scheduling observation, it’s an assumption that her time outside work is inherently less valuable or less claimed than a colleague’s would be if they had kids of their own. That logic treats childless employees as a default pool of extra capacity, available to absorb whatever falls outside anyone else’s job description, regardless of what she actually studied, trained for, or was hired to do.
She has a degree in accounting. She closes books and runs audits. None of that translates into being the office’s default party coordinator just because her personal life happens to look different from her boss’s.
“Off the Books” Adds a Layer of Its Own
Being asked to spend company time on a task explicitly described as personal and off the books raises its own separate issue, beyond the awkwardness of the request itself. If this work happens during paid hours but isn’t actually part of her job, that’s her employer’s time being redirected toward a partner’s personal errand, something that could matter if it were ever scrutinized, and something that puts her in an odd position of quietly going along with an arrangement that isn’t fully above board to begin with.
The Power Dynamic Makes This Harder Than a Normal No
A partner controls her reviews, and that reality is exactly why “I’d rather not” keeps turning into “sure, no problem” the moment she tries to say it out loud. This isn’t a failure of assertiveness on her part, it’s an accurate read of the actual risk involved in directly refusing someone who holds real influence over her career trajectory at the firm. Recognizing that dynamic clearly is the first step toward finding a way to push back that doesn’t rely on a flat refusal she’s not actually in a position to deliver comfortably.
A Way to Decline Without Framing It as Refusal
Rather than trying to say no directly, reframing the response around her actual role and workload gives her a way out that doesn’t sound like defiance. Something like expressing that she wants to make sure she’s staying focused on her core deliverables, given upcoming deadlines or audit work, and that she wouldn’t want personal projects to pull her attention away from what she’s actually evaluated on, redirects the conversation without ever using the word no.
That framing also subtly reminds him what she’s actually there to do, closing books and handling audits, without needing to explicitly point out how inappropriate the original request was.
Suggesting an Alternative Instead of Just Resisting
Offering a redirect, rather than simply resisting the ask outright, often lands better with someone used to having requests fulfilled. Mentioning that a professional event planner or a service like Instacart-adjacent concierge planning might actually get him better results than she could deliver during business hours, given her actual workload, positions the pushback as being in his interest, not just a personal inconvenience she’s trying to dodge.
Documentation Matters Regardless of How This Plays Out
Given that this request came from a partner and involves using paid work time for something explicitly personal, it’s worth keeping a brief written record of what was asked and when, even if just a personal note for herself. If this becomes a repeated pattern, or if it ever affects how her actual work performance gets evaluated, having that timeline could matter considerably down the line.
Where This Leaves Her
She’s not overreacting to a harmless favor. Being assigned unpaid, off-the-clock personal labor specifically because she lacks children reflects a real misjudgment on her boss’s part about what her role and her time are actually for. Declining doesn’t have to mean a direct confrontation, framing the response around protecting her actual job responsibilities gives her a legitimate, professional way to step back from this without needing to have the confrontation she’s been dreading.
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