She Trusted Her MIL to Watch Her Baby for Free Then Found Out She Wasn’t Following Basic Safety Rules and Watching More Kids
What started as a helpful arrangement is turning into something they no longer feel comfortable with, and now they’re trying to figure out how to step away without damaging the relationship.
For months, his mom has been watching their 7-month-old daughter a few days a week while they work. It’s been convenient, especially since they aren’t paying for formal childcare. His mom usually gets a little cash at the end of the week, but nothing close to what daycare would cost, which made it feel like a good solution early on.
That setup worked for a while, but over time, the situation started to shift in ways that made them question whether it still made sense.
She Was Already Watching Multiple Kids at the Same Time
From the beginning, their daughter wasn’t the only child in the house. His mom was already caring for her 4-year-old grandson, along with another 3-year-old she had taken in to help a family member. That created a full and busy environment, but they tried to make it work because it was family and they wanted to believe everything was being handled safely.
As time went on, they started noticing things that made them uneasy, especially when it came to how closely their parenting rules were being followed. What initially felt manageable began to feel less predictable as more variables came into play.
Their Rules Keep Getting Ignored
They’ve been clear about what they want for their baby, especially when it comes to safety, and they’ve had multiple conversations to make sure those expectations were understood. The requests weren’t vague; they made it clear they did not want kissing, co-sleeping, contact naps, or unsafe sleep setups.
Even with that clarity, they’ve caught his mom ignoring those rules more than once. That repeated pattern made it harder to view it as a misunderstanding and easier to see it as a lack of follow-through, which is what started to shift how much they trusted the situation.
Her Health Has Made Them More Cautious
There’s also a bigger concern that has been sitting in the background and becoming harder to ignore. His mom has several health issues that already limit what she can safely handle, and recently she passed out while driving. No children were in the car at the time, but it was serious enough that she stopped driving altogether.
That incident changed how they look at everything else, because caring for multiple young children requires constant attention and physical ability. When health concerns are already present, it raises questions about how much responsibility can realistically be managed at once.
Then She Added Another Infant
Before they had the chance to sit down and address their concerns, she told them she had agreed to take on another child. This would bring the total to four kids, including another infant, starting in September, and it wasn’t something she discussed with them ahead of time.
That decision shifted the situation in a way that didn’t feel adjustable anymore. Instead of working through existing concerns, the overall responsibility increased, which made it harder for them to feel comfortable continuing with the arrangement.
The Timing Makes It Even More Concerning
By the time this change happens, their daughter will be close to turning one, which comes with a completely different level of supervision. At that stage, babies are moving constantly, exploring everything, and requiring close attention throughout the day.
Adding another infant on top of three other children means attention is divided even further at a time when their daughter will need more of it, not less. That shift in needs makes the current setup feel less realistic going forward.
The Cost Savings Don’t Outweigh the Concerns Anymore
For a while, the biggest benefit of this setup was financial, since childcare costs can be high and having a family member step in helped reduce that burden. According to Child Care Aware of America, infant care can cost as much as or more than rent in many areas, which is why families often rely on relatives when possible.
At this point, though, the financial benefit doesn’t carry the same weight because the concerns around safety, consistency, and supervision have started to outweigh the savings.
They’ve Already Made the Decision to Move to Daycare
After everything they’ve seen and experienced, they both agree that daycare is the better option moving forward. With more consistent work schedules coming up, they’ll need full-time childcare anyway, and this feels like the right time to make the change.
It’s not a decision they made quickly, and it comes after trying to make the current arrangement work for as long as possible. What they’re deciding now is based on what they’ve observed over time, not just one isolated issue.
They Know the Conversation Will Be Difficult
They’re expecting the conversation to be tense because she has already made it clear that she believes she can handle the situation. She has pointed to raising her own children years ago as proof, and from her perspective, this may feel like a rejection of her help.
From their side, the concern is based on the current reality, including her health, the number of children involved, and the repeated issues with following their requests. Those factors make it harder to ignore what they’re seeing now, even if the conversation is uncomfortable.
Family and Money Start to Clash
Situations like this become complicated because they involve more than one issue at once. It’s not just about childcare. It’s about trust, boundaries, and the expectations that come with relying on family instead of paying for a structured service.
What started as a practical solution slowly became something that no longer feels like the right fit. They’re not trying to create conflict or shut her out. They’re trying to make a decision that supports their daughter long-term, even if it means having a conversation they already know won’t be easy.
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