Man sitting on the floor looking to be depressed

His Girlfriend Named His Blue Eyes and His Race as Part of What Attracted Her, and It Cost Him a 10 Year Friendship

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A 27-year-old man has been happily dating his girlfriend for almost a year. Then one of his oldest friends told him he needed to end the relationship, and the fallout may cost him a friendship that goes back more than a decade.

The friend, who’s 26, had been spending time with his girlfriend on her own. After one of those hangouts, she came to him convinced that the relationship was built on something unhealthy and that he should walk away from it.

Friends Since High School

He and his friend have known each other since high school. Over the past 10 years, they’ve stayed close through college, jobs, and all the changes that come with growing up.

That kind of history made her opinion matter to him. It also made it harder to hear what she had to say about the person he loves.

A Year Into the Relationship

His girlfriend is 25, and the two have been together for almost a year. By his account, they’re both very happy, and the relationship has been going well.

He’s white, and his girlfriend is Asian. That detail didn’t seem like a big deal to either of them, but it ended up at the center of the conflict with his friend.

Hangouts Without Him

His job sometimes keeps him busy when his girlfriend gets off work. On those days, his friend started hanging out with her so she wouldn’t be on her own.

He liked that the two of them were getting along. It felt like a good sign that his friend and his girlfriend could build a relationship of their own.

A Question About Attraction

During their latest hangout, his friend asked his girlfriend what attracted her to him. His girlfriend said it was his personality, his values, and the effort he puts into their relationship, along with his looks.

When the friend pressed for details about his looks, his girlfriend mentioned his blue eyes, his dark brown hair, and the fact that he’s white. That last part bothered the friend far more than anything else she’d heard.

A Warning From His Friend

His friend came to him afterward and told him she was worried. She believed his girlfriend was only interested in him because of his race and said he should break up with her.

He laughed and told her he already knew his girlfriend had a type. He said he didn’t mind, because he’s also drawn to Asian women and their features, so as far as he was concerned, the two of them were a perfect match.

Made for Each Other

His friend was stunned by his answer. She told him they both needed help and said he should end the relationship and work on his own preferences.

She argued that the two of them couldn’t just be attracted to each other’s physical traits in a way she saw as based on stereotypes. To her, the relationship didn’t look healthy, no matter how happy the two of them seemed.

He disagreed completely. He sees their attraction as mutual and consensual, and he doesn’t think his friend has any say in who he dates or why.

An Ultimatum Over a Friendship

The conversation kept going in circles. After several rounds of the same argument, he told her that if she couldn’t let it go, they’d need to put some distance between them.

He made it clear he wasn’t going to choose her friendship over his relationship. She left close to tears, and the two haven’t settled anything since.

Ten Years on the Line

It’s been almost a week, and he’s still unsure how things will play out. He doesn’t want to lose a friend he’s known for more than 10 years, but he also feels he needs to protect his girlfriend from someone who’s openly questioning their relationship.

What surprised him most was that she actually expected him to break up with his girlfriend because she said so. Now he’s left waiting to see whether his friend can move past it, or whether one conversation about attraction has already ended a friendship that started in high school.


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