Dad Plans a Family Trip During His Own Christmas Custody Week, but Never Actually Meant to Include His 17 Year Old Daughter
She’s 17 and away at college, though this falls during her dad’s custody time over Christmas break. When her dad brought up a family trip, she asked for the dates so she could plan around it, a completely reasonable thing to ask given she’s the one whose schedule would need to accommodate a trip during her break from school.
His reaction wasn’t a simple answer. He got visibly annoyed that she wanted to go at all, then launched into an explanation about cost, how expensive the trip would be, how hard it would be to afford one more person, and how his wife being unemployed adds financial stress. Buried in all of that was the actual point: he hadn’t been planning on her joining in the first place.
Assuming She’d Be Included Wasn’t Unreasonable
During custody time, with her mom working and no other plan in place, assuming she’d be part of a “family trip” isn’t an overreach. She’s still a minor. This is his designated time with her. A family vacation planned during that specific window, without her factored in as a given, runs against what custody time is generally supposed to mean in the first place.
There’s also nothing in how she asked that suggests any entitlement or demand. She simply asked when the trip was happening so she could plan her own schedule around it, the same reasonable question any family member would ask about a trip they assumed they were part of.
The Money Explanation Doesn’t Fully Land
The financial reasoning he gave, that the trip would cost more and add stress with one more person included, may be genuinely true on its own terms. Money is tight, adding a person adds cost, that’s real. But the way it surfaced, only after she asked when she’d need to plan around it, makes it feel less like an upfront, honest conversation about budget constraints and more like an explanation produced after the fact to justify a decision that had already excluded her without her knowledge.
If cost were the actual driving concern from the start, that would typically come up as part of planning the trip itself, discussed with her directly, rather than surfacing only once she asked a scheduling question and he reacted with annoyance.
Feeling Confused, Not Guilty, Makes More Sense Here
The guilt she’s feeling now seems to be responding to his frustration rather than to anything she actually did wrong. Asking a reasonable question about a family trip during your own parent’s custody time isn’t an imposition. The confusion she describes, not understanding why she wouldn’t be invited, reflects a completely fair reaction to being left out of a plan that would normally include her by default.
The Financial Concerns
Assuming she’d be part of a family vacation happening during her dad’s custody time, especially as a minor with no other plan in place, wasn’t presumptuous. It was a reasonable expectation given the circumstances. The financial concerns he raised may be legitimate on their own, but they don’t change the fact that he hadn’t planned to include his own daughter and only explained why once she asked a simple, practical question about scheduling.
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